Wednesday 6 November 2013

WHAT DO I LOVE ABOUT HER, WHAT DO I LOATHE ABOUT HER ?

THE ALBERT SQUARE TRIANGLE
SHUT THE DOOR AND WALK AWAY ?
THE DOOMED ONE, JAY ENTERS THE SMOKE DAMAGED FLAT, STAGE RIGHT. FAILS TO TAKE A HINT THAT THIS DOES NOT LOOK PROMISING. But don't they say, do not judge the book by its cover ?
TAKE 1
TINA: Would you like to try a piece of my spelt flour sultana loaf
JAY: How is that spelled ? Thanks ( thinks; this tastes rather odd, maybe I'll get used to it )
JAY: Oh lovely
TINA: You're just saying that
JAY: No really

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TAKE 2
TINA: Would you like to try a piece of my spelt flour sultana loaf
JAY: Oh  thanks ( thinks; this tastes rather odd )
JAY: Well, not sure about that, interesting for a change but I think I still prefer ordinary wheat flour
TINA: But this is supposed to be healthier
JAY: Do you think you are living life to the full
TINA: No, I'm bored a lot of the time
JAY: What would your ideal schedule be like for a week, what sorts of things would you do each week and each year to max it out ?
TINA: Oh I'd travel the world and play more tennis. what about you ?
JAY: Go skiing and water sports in a hot windy country
TINA: Sounds good, we must try to budget for those things. What about going up town today and speak to people about the possibilities, try to find the most economical, affordable way to live our dreams.
JAY: That sounds great. Maybe we should also try to keep up with technology. I have been meaning to get a decent computer. Maybe we could stop by PC World to see what they recommend ?
TINA: Yes, maybe you should do a computer course ?
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STORM UND DRANG UBER LEITH
TAKE 1
WANDERER: Pound for the homeless sir ?
JAY: I'd rather not
WANDERER:Who is that strange looking woman you are with ?
JAY: ( thinks I wonder if he has a point, that coat does not suit her or  compliment her complexion )

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DOWN ON THE FARM
CAT AMONG THE PIGEONS

TAKE 1
TINA: I don't like staying out in the countryside. It is too quiet, I feel lonely here
JAY: You married a farmer and you don't want to stay in the countryside ?
TINA: I didn't realize
JAY: I don't know what to say about that

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TAKE 2
TINA: I don't like staying out in the countryside. It is too quiet, I feel lonely here
JAY: You married a farmer and you don't want to stay in the countryside ?
TINA: I didn't realize
JAY: I don't know what to say about that. What are our options ?
TINA: Both move to town and you commute to farm, or I move to town and you visit at weekends, or I learn to like it here

###########
LATER on phone to lawyer
JAY: I just got married a few months ago and now my wife says she doesn't like living in the countryside. What are my options ? How much would it cost me to divorce ? How much would I  lose ?
VULTURES INC.  Well only the increase in value of your assests since marriage plus legal fees, not much, £20,000
JAY: Oh well its a relief that it isn't like half my worth

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DARKCLOUDS BLOCK SUNSHINE
TAKE 1
TINA: Your mum was here for too long, she doesn't seem to be able to take a hint that I had enough and she should leave. I want you to ask her not to call unless I contact her.
 JAY: Gee that will be politically sensitive
TINA: Just do it, it is important to me
JAY:[conveniently forgets to follow wife's directions]

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TAKE 2
TINA: Your mum was here for too long, she doesn't seem to be able to take a hint that I had enough and she should leave. I want you to ask her not to call unless I contact her.
 JAY: Gee that will be politically sensitive. Could you please, when you have had enough of her, say something like,  " Well I really must get on with doing other things now, nice seeing you bye "
TINA: Just do it, it is important to me
JAY: So what exactly can I say that will get her to back off but not cause offence ? What about, " Look mum, this is a bit awkward. Tina enjoys your company but just not so often or so long ?"
TINA: That would do, but she also visits too often
JAY: Well really it is you problem, you think of a solution but what about saying only call on Friday afternoons ? or you could say, " Nice seeing you, I'll look forward to seeing you next Friday or a week on Friday ". That way is doesn't seem to off
TINA: Perhaps but I just want you to deal with it
JAY: Maybe we should live in a house further away so that this awkward situation will not come up ?
TINA: I would love that but can we afford it ?
JAY: I'm not sure. Look if you had married me 200 years ago you would maybe have to work with my mum each day helping around the farm. There are lots of things about my Dad that irritate me but I still try to overlook those things and focus on the task in hand. It isn't ideal but we get by. I wonder if you are giving too much priority to being authentic to your feelings when it would be more advantageous if you would prioritize being courteous, civil, diplomatic, respectful, friendly even. That doesn't mean you have to see my parents more often, just that when you do you try to treat them kindly. After all they want to be friendly to you.
TINA: Do they really ? Your mum makes criticisms of me
JAY: She doesn't mean anything by it, it's just careless chatter.

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AT BLACKCLOUDS COTTAGE

TAKE 1
TINA : Where do you think you are going with Emma ?
JAY: I was just going to take Emma to let my mum see how her walking is coming on
TINA: Oh no you don't. Your mum sees Emma too much
JAY: ( better tread carefully here ) Ok, no water off my back

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TAKE 2
TINA : Where do you think you are going with Emma ?
JAY: I was just going to take Emma to let my mum see how her walking is coming on
TINA: Oh no you don't. Your mum sees Emma too much
JAY: Look I just want to take Emma to see my mum, this gives you a great opportunity to read a book, watch a film, play piano, go shopping, go swimming. Maybe you worry too much ?

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TABLETS OF COLD HARD STONE
TAKE 1
TINA: Your parents are spreading lies about me, they are wicked and evil
JAY: [ Thinks, Gee that is very OTT, I don't know what to say to change her mind ]

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TAKE2
TINA: Your parents are spreading lies about me, they are wicked and evil
JAY: Look that is not the case, they want to be friendly to you, they are decent folk with a mix of strengths and weaknesses like everyone else. We need to take care not to call the kettle black. My mum is just unhappy that you are not letting her see Emma as much as she would like but she accepts your right to choose about that
TINA: Well she has been making complaints to other people about me and I hate that, she is undermining me, she has got to stop
JAY: I agree that it is not ideal if she has been making negative comments to other people but isn't that just part of life. We all do daft things and just have to overlook a multitude of sub optimal behaviour.
TINA: You better set her right about that if you want this marriage to continue
JAY: I wonder if you are trying to be authentic to your feelings but maybe it is more healthy to set aside your feelings and to aim to do the kind, caring, diplomatic, civil thing even when you might not feel like doing it ? To practice love, patience, kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, diplomacy, generosity, humility, over looking a multitude of error & flaw ?

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DIRTY  RATS
TAKE 1
JAY: ( Thinks; grief there is a plague of rats in the sheds, hope Tina doesn't notice. Must get rentokill in )
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TAKE 2
JAY: ( Thinks; grief there is a plague of rats in sheds.)
TINA: I saw a couple of rats running across the yard today, do you see many about the farm
JAY: Quite a lot really. Would you prefer if we moved to town ?
TINA: Well you know I would love that, it is too quiet in the countryside for me and now the rats, uggh
JAY: Well we could rent out this cottage and rent somewhere in town. I suppose I would manage somehow. I could by a caravan or work shop unit
TINA: Oh let's

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CLIFFHANGER ROW
TEETERING ON THE BRINK

TAKE 1
TINA: I don't want to hear from your parents. I don't want them even to phone
JAY: Well look, they want to be friendly to you. I think you are misreading them
TINA: I just don't want them to phone. Every time the phone rings I am afraid it will be them
JAY: Oh well, I will ask them to only phone my mobile number

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TAKE 2
TINA: I don't want to hear from your parents. I don't want them even to phone
JAY: Well look, they want to be friendly to you. I think you are misreading them
TINA: I just don't want them to phone. Every time the phone rings I am afraid it will be them
JAY: Oh well, I will ask them to only phone my mobile number but look I think you have got into a rut of negative thinking. I think you need to try to change the record by focusing on positive ideas. I would like you to think that my parents are ok decent folk who want to be friends with you. This is pretty much the truth. Ok maybe they have made a few criticisms of you, but that is just par for the course, pay no attention to it. We need to choose the positive optimistic interpretation of life. We need to try to be caring and loving, to show tolerance and patience.
TINA: Easy to say in theory but not so easy in practice
JAY: Well every time you start out on that rut I you need to try to steer your focus onto sports and hobbies, other things to make good thought habits. I will try to help you, when ever you start talking to me about that I will just say, look tell me about the latest in your favourite soap operas, or what holiday will we go next or what sport will we play this weekend. Also I need to try to do this as well and not dwell on the past. I have really been doing the same as you.

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WORKAHOLIC
TAKE 1
TINA: What time do you call this ? I thought I had told you not to agree to doing overtime at the delivery job
JAY: The manager was desperate for help, too many people off sick
TINA: Well that is his problem not yours. You have farm work to do and you need to make time & energy for me and Emma
JAY: Yes that is true, sorry. But the contract says I should do overtime when required.
TINA: To hell with the small print, I bet nobody else does it, that is why it is getting left to you. Be a man and stand up to them and say no, sorry

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TAKE 2
TINA: What time to do call this ? I thought I had told you not to agree to doing overtime at the delivery job
JAY: The manager was desperate for help, too many people off sick
TINA: Well that is his problem not yours. You have farm work to do and you need to make time & energy for me and Emma
JAY: Yes that is true, sorry. But the contract says I should do overtime when required.
TINA: To hell with the small print, I bet nobody else does it, that is why it is getting left to you. Be a man and stand up to them and say no, sorry. I've told you time and time again not to do it but I can't get though to you.
JAY: Well shouting at me isn't working is it, all that happens is I remember being shouted at and feel all angry toward you. Why not try luring me with sex ?
TINA: I don't feel like making love when I am angry that you are late
JAY: Ah but if you made a deal, be here at a certain time and we'll make love, then that would make sure I was
TINA: Well that is your fantasy but i have a daughter to look after. Look tell me what your problem is are you worried that I will separate and so you do the delivery job as security ?
JAY: How did you know ?
TINA: Female intuition
JAY: It's true, I worry that you will separate cause if you do I don't know how I will find the money. My assests are mostly tied up in the farm and if I had to sell then I would lose my source of income from farming and need the delivery job
TINA: Why didn't you just be honest about that
JAY: I was afraid how you would react
TINA: You're paranoid. Look you are taking a too pessimistic view. I know that I complain a lot but I have no intention of separating. I am determined to find a way through all our troubles. I will stand by you. In any case I know there are a lot of men I would be worse off with. It is just that I am discontent, you aren't the man of my fantasies but probably those were not realistic anyway. Don't worry, I will love you warts and all
JAY: So will you tolerate me if I tolerate you ?
TINA: Yes, through good times and bad, though the times when I feel love towards you and the times when I feel hatred  toward you.
JAY: I'm glad, I'm relieved. Let's drink to a long and varied marriage, though the storms, sunshine, frost & hail, snow, gales & calm, fog and low cloud, through the mountain peaks and valleys, in the brilliance and in the gloom, let's roam together and never be separated.
TINA: That sounds grand, lets think of all the fun times we can have playing sport together and going trips and learning things. Let's not dwell on the water under the bridge
JAY: It's a deal

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RULE OUT GOING OUT ?
TAKE 1
JAY: What about going out to the cinema ?
TINA: We don't have anyone to baby sit
JAY: We could always ask my mum
TINA: No way, I don't trust your mum, she will turn Emma against me
JAY: No she won't
TINA: Yes she will
JAY: Well what about going out and buying a DVD of a recent film and we will watch it together ?
TINA: Good idea, or maybe we should get Sky tv
JAY: What films would we get from that ?
TINA: My friends have it, they show that there are thousands of films on it
JAY: Can't we get by with council tv ?
TINA: Well I suppose so

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TAKE 2
JAY: What about going out to the cinema ?
TINA: We don't have anyone to baby sit
JAY: We could always ask my mum
TINA: No way, I don't trust your mum, she will turn Emma against me
JAY: No she won't
TINA: Yes she will
JAY: Well what about going out and buying a DVD of a recent film and we will watch it together ?
TINA: Good idea, or maybe we should get Sky tv
JAY: What films would we get from that ?
TINA: My friends have it, they show that there are thousands of films on it
JAY:  That sounds like a great idea
TINA: Yes lets do it, well haven't you been delivering adverts about Sky broadband & tv package. That looked interesting, Maybe we should try it out for a year ?
JAY: Yes that sounds like fun, maybe it would be worth trying that.


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TALKING SHOP
TAKE 1
HOTAIR LIMITED: Blah, blah, blah
JAY: ( Thinks, not sure that is really making sense to me, deep down I just feel that Tina should give up these ideas about manipulation & stuff, she is making a mountain out of a molehill )

TAKE 2
HOTAIR LIMITED: What other counsellors have you seen ? What books have you read on relationships ? What Youtube videos have you watched ?
JAY: None
HOTAIR LIMITED: Well you don't seem to have tried very hard. Is your marriage important to you
JAY: Yes sure it is, I just never thought there would be much anyone could say about this. I just want her to give up this fight over nothing
HOTAIR LIMITED: Well you know what, I think that might be a big part of the answer. Tell me how you feel about this situation. Does it worry you ? Do you see the marriage as secure ?
JAY: I am very worried Tina will separate. Actually I am terrified about it. I think if it happens then I will not see Emma again and it will be financially ruinous.
HOTAIR LIMITED: Well have you told Tina how you feel about how she is acting ?
JAY: No, I am afraid that if I tell her then she will be more likey to separate
HOTAIR LIMITED: I think it would help her to empathize with you, you might be surprised by her reaction. Maybe her bark is worse than her bite ?
JAY: You mean she might not mean what she says ? Maybe she is exaggerating ?
HOTAIR: Yes she is maybe just throwing her weight about to get her way, a sort of brinkmanship

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WE'LL BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

TAKE 1
TINA: You can't take Emma into the farmhouse, the wiring isn't safe, it could go up in flames at any time. Even Phillip said if the wiring is more than 30 years old it should be rewired
JAY: Well I agree that it is getting near time for rewiring but there has been no sign of electrical trouble.
TINA: Well I don't want to risk it. If you parents want to see Emma then they had better get it fixed

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TAKE 2
TINA: You can't take Emma into the farmhouse, the wiring isn't safe, it could go up in flames at any time. Even Phillip said if the wiring is more than 30 years old it should be rewired
JAY: Well I agree that it is getting near time for rewiring but there has been no sign of electrical trouble.
TINA: Well I don't want to risk it. If you parents want to see Emma then they had better get it fixed
JAY: Tina maybe you have a point and are right in a way but life is a balance between risks. Maybe you should take care you don't burn the marriage down. It is embarrassing to me that I can't take Emma to see her grandparents.

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DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE
TAKE 1
TINA: I   am a desperate housewife
JAY: How is that ? Don't you have quite a nice life looking after Laura, going swimming, shopping and visiting your friends ?
TINA: I'm bored
JAY: Well we could go out more if you would trust a baby sitter

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TAKE 2
TINA: I   am a desperate housewife
JAY: How is that ? Don't you have quite a nice life looking after Laura, going swimming, shopping and visiting your friends ?
TINA: I'm bored
JAY: Well maybe we should go for a look round PC world together
TINA: Good idea, we must ask them to tell us what we could enjoy if we invested some money there



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WHAT'S SHE GOING TO LOOK LIKE WITH A CHIMNEY ON HER ?
TAKE 1
TINA: You can't take Emma into the farmhouse, the chimney isn't safe, it could fall at any time on top of the living room roof and hit Emma inside
JAY: Although that is a possibility I think it is not very likely. Again  I think you have to weigh up all the risks. If you were too risk averse you would never live properly.
TINA: Look I am trying to push for health and safety and I am getting dogs abuse from your sisters about it. You need to stand up for me and tell them where to get off.
JAY: I never heard them say anything. Are you sure you are not just imagining it ?
TINA: Are you questioning my sanity. I think I can pick up on looks and signals
JAY: Well look on the bright side, if it falls then at least you won't have to put up with my parents
TINA: Ha ha, funny, not

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TAKE 2
TINA: You can't take Emma into the farmhouse, the chimney isn't safe, it could fall at any time on top of the living room roof and hit Emma inside
JAY: Although that is a possibility I think it is not very likely. Again  I think you have to weigh up all the risks. If you were too risk averse you would never live properly. You want to do the ' right ' thing but there are trade offs. I wish you could relax , don't be so uptight.
TINA: Well ok then, you can take her but only for an hour

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SOFA SO GOOD
TURNING POINT

TAKE 1
TINA: Ask Steven about the steading development. He had the midas touch
JAY: ( lying on sofa, exhausted after delivery job, thinks, I'm not sure if I should involve Steven, I'm afraid he will want to do the development, he asked about it a couple of years ago, if he asks I might be too timid to say no and i fear it won't be a success if he does it ) Well I was going anyway

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TAKE 2
TINA: Ask Steven about the steading development. He had the midas touch
JAY: ( lying on sofa, exhausted after delivery job )  I'm not sure if I should involve Steven, I'm afraid he will want to do the development, he asked about it a couple of years ago, if he asks I might be too timid to say no and i fear it won't be a success if he does it.
TINA: What could go wrong, he seems very capable, he has a top position in that company
JAY: But what if the project goes bankrupt ? Why risk a reliable paid position as an employee in a big established firm for a possibly lucrative position in a highly risky property development startup company ?
TINA: Think positive
JAY: Maybe this is a time to think pessimistic or realistic, why should he risk it for a biscuit ?
TINA: Maybe so, well maybe you should ask you lawyers advice first

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PROJECT TOO FAR

TAKE 1
JAY: Hi Steven, I was just wondering if you would look over these plans and give your opinion about the architects  first ideas. Do you think he has made the properties to big or not big enough
STEVEN: Looks like he has done a good job. Let me study it and I will get back to you
##### Later ####
STEVEN on phone : Tell you what, I wonder if you would let me do this project. I have been waiting for a chance like this. I think we could both make a lot of money out of this
JAY: I'm not sure ( thinks; what if I say no, what will our friends think if i turn Steven down, they will despise & ridicule that i didn't trust him to do it ) Well ok then, but I'll have to see if my Dad agrees

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TAKE 2
JAY: Hi Steven, I was just wondering if you would look over these plans and give your opinion about the architect's  first ideas. Do you think he has made the properties to big or not big enough ?
STEVEN: Looks like he has done a good job.
###### later #########
STEVEN on phone:  Tell you what, I wonder if you would let me do this project. I have been waiting for a chance like this. I think we could both make a lot of money out of this
JAY: I'm not sure ( thinks; what if I say no, what will our friends think if i turn Steven down, they will despise & ridicule that i didn't trust him to do it ) Well what if you take the project on and it goes bankrupt ?
STEVEN: I only see the positives
JAY: But you have a high earning job, if you give that up and take on this project and it goes bust then you will have lost a high earning secure job and all your savings, maybe your house, it could be ruinous, why risk it
STEVEN: I just feel really confident
JAY: And what give you such confidence when so many other projects fail, anything could happen
STEVEN: I feel led by God. I heard the voice of Jesus assuring me it was his will
JAY: Well I think it is too big a risk, I think you would be much better staying put in your present job. So no I'm out
STEVEN: Fair enough, it is no big deal, do what you are happy with. I hope you find a better offer. Have you consulted your lawyers yet ?
JAY: No
STEVEN: Well that is usually a good place to start. They will have experience that you lack. Who knows, when you advertise it maybe I will bid.

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CONSULTATIONS
TAKE 1
TINA: What did Steven say ?
JAY: He wants to do the project
TINA: Oh good, that sounds promising
JAY: Let's hope so. I suppose there will always be some risk whoever does it

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TAKE 2
TINA: What did Steven say ?
JAY: He wants to do the project
TINA: Oh good, that sounds promising
JAY: I'm not sure. I worry about what it the project goes bust. He is in a super job position just now, high earning. If this project goes bankrupt it could ruin his life. Maybe we should just so no. I wouldn't like to have been part of his downfall, it is too big a risk. Besides, other people in his position at his time of life would be thinking of starting a family not embarking on a new start up business
TINA: This is true, maybe we should say no to him doing it and put the project on the open market

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DOUBLE OR QUITS
TAKE 1
STEVEN: Do you want a guaranteed amount or take a risk for an extra 25%
JAY: Well take a gamble eh ? 25%

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TAKE 2
STEVEN: Do you want a guaranteed amount or take a risk for an extra 25%
JAY: I better ask the rest of family
###### later ##########
JAY, on phone to STEVEN: We have agreed to go for guaranteed fixed amount, don't want to take the extra risk
STEVEN: Fair enough

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DOUBLE TROUBLE
TAKE 1
STEVEN: I have gone for the electric underfloor heating and that means that the transformer might not be bit enough but if it isn't the electrical engineer says that it will cost £100,000 for the next size up
JAY: Grief, that is shocking. How many kw per house
STEVEN: 12kw
JAY: That sounds expensive to run, what were you thinking of ?
STEVEN: The salesman said it was only a few pence per square meter running cost
JAY: Yes, but multiplied by 200 and again by 24 then 1p soon becomes a lot. Any other bad news
STEVEN: Quite a lot.....

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 CAN'T WORK YOU OUT
TAKE 1
TINA: You are a difficult person to read
JAY: Shrugs and laughs, I don't know what to say

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TAKE 2
TINA:  You are a difficult person to read                                                                                                    JAY: What you see if someone who spends a lot of time worrying about whether you are going to separate because you do so much complaining. I don't know how to help myself, but I have other worries too.
TINA: Jay you are worrying unnecessarily. I'm sorry that I get on to you. I want our relationship to be successful, i am committed to it, trust me,  I won't separate. We are just at a troubled time just now but the sun will come out tomorrow
JAY: Thanks for saying that. I also want to keep fighting for this marriage and not let it just fall apart                                                                                

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WE'RE RICH, OH NO WE'RE NOT, WE WERE RICH
TAKE 1
TINA: We have enough money to move to the city
JAY: You what?
TINA: Yes we can move to the city with this much money. I am not happy in this town, I want to go where I can be anonymous
JAY: Well it will cause me troubles

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TAKE 2
TINA: We have enough money to move to the city
JAY: You what?
TINA: Yes we can move to the city with this much money. I am not happy in this town, I want to go where I can be anonymous.
JAY: I promised my Dad I would move back to the farm. That was his condition for moving from the farmhouse
TINA: You promised what ? You knew that I did not want to stay at the farm, what were you thinking ?
JAY: Well I hoped you would change you mind and agree to move back to the farm once you saw the lovely new house at the steading
TINA: Not likely, I want to move to the city. You will just have to tell him that the situation has changed and you can not stick by what you said back then, or ask him what position will he take if you decide to move to the city ?
JAY: Well I suppose I could.
TINA: You aren't keen to move to the city are you but we could afford a lovely house with a big garden and you could build a polytunnel there
JAY: I doubt if i will even have enough energy or time to do anything like that
TINA: What sort of difficulties do you think the move will have for you ?
JAY: Well it will be a long day doing the delivery job then stop at the farm to do the work there then finally arrive home after the rush hour at 7pm
TINA: Jay, you know that i have asked you over and over to give up the delivery job. Now we can surely afford for you to give it up. Tell me what is going on, I just don't understand the attraction. You seem to be a work addict ?
JAY: Well to be completely honest I am worried that you will separate and then i will need a job, cause if I have to pay out from the value of the farm I think it will no longer be viable.
TINA: Have you been worrying yourself sick about that ? I'm sorry. I should have guessed. Look I know that I have done a lot of ranting & criticizing & demanding things of you & threatening but I am not proud of it, I realize that it was over the top, exaggerated and generalized. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you, we will find a way. If you give up the delivery job then you will have the time and energy so that we can do lots of fun things together, we can travel, play sport, go sailing, windsurfing, mountain climbing, go to cinema, theater, concerts. Things can get so much better
JAY: Yes look to the future, think positive, take an optimistic view of how the future can be.
TINA: Yes that is it. Please don't focus on the water that has gone under the bridge. Please trust me. What can I do to reassure you that the future will be better ?

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RAGE OVER A LOST PENNY
TAKE 1
TINA: Sometimes I wish you would shout at me
JAY: Shrugs ( thinks, I don't want to shout at you, i don't know what can help you to stop thinking about past disputes with my parents )

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TAKE 2
TINA: Sometimes I wish you would shout at me
JAY: What should I shout at you ? Shout I something like "  Give up thinking about events that happened months ago, give up imagining things that never really happened. Give up using such black & white, exaggerated language. Focus on the positive & optimistic view. Focus on the future " but then maybe those words would be accepted more readily if said gently ?
TINA: Yes focusing on the future would be good.
JAY: Do you see me with you in the future. What sorts of things will we be doing in 10 years time ? Will you still be  swimming, with me still doing astronomy ?

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WORK TO LIVE NOT LIVE TO WORK

TINA: You are a work addict
JAY: shrugs

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TINA: You are a work addict
JAY: Do you know what is behind all my working ?
TINA : No
JAY: It is because I am afraid you will separate. If I was confident that you are dedicated to making this marriage a life long one then I would give up the delivery job right now. However I think you look likely to separate so I think that will be financially ruinous and I will need the delivery job to pay my way.
TINA: Well why on earth did you not tell me
JAY : I was afraid how you would react
TINA : Well you must give up, hand in your notice tomorrow.

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THIS HOUSE WAS IN A HANDY LOCATION
TAKE 1
JAY: I will make it difficult for me if we move from this house, it was a really handy location for getting a change of clothes if I got soaked, also handy if i needed the loo.
TINA: Well you could just ask to use the loo at the village shop. I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

-----------------------------------------
 TAKE 2
JAY: I will make it difficult for me if we move from this house, it was a really handy location for getting a change of clothes if I got soaked, also handy if i needed the loo.
TINA: Well you really must give up the delivery job then. It is too much work for you. I have been saying that to you for years and I can't understand why you won't. It seems the obvious thing to do
JAY: I'm worried you are going to separate
TINA: Look i know I have nagged and complained and criticized and that I probably sound severe but I am dedicated to making a success of my marriage. I don't want to end up single. You can trust me. I drop my demand that you cut off your side of the family. I drop any threats to separate you think I have made, but I think you picked me up the wrong way. I only meant to tell you that is how I felt, not that I was going to separate ?






Friday 1 November 2013

ACRIMONY ? BUT I THOUGHT I WAS SIGNING UP TO MATRIMONY !

DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN AS YOUR SPARING PARTNER TIL DEATH DO YOU PART ?
SPARKS FLY FROM DODGY WIRING, THREATENING TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

TAKE 1

TINA: I am millimeters from separating but I would never divorce you
JAY: You would separate ?
TINA: Yes
JAY: ( thinks : I don't know what to say to that, it really worries me when I think about what that could mean,  I'll be doomed, I'll be financially ruined if she does that, think of the cost of lawyers and paying her off. She had some nerve saying that, after all the grief I have put up with from her, all her rants against my side of the family, her internal wiring is short circuiting, I think she has more than a few wires crossed )

---------------------------
TAKE 2
TINA: I am millimeters from separating but I would never divorce you
JAY: But then I wouldn't have the pleasure of your company and what good would that do ?
TINA:  Well for one thing I wouldn't have to worry about your mother phoning
JAY: Look I have a mobile, I'll ask my parents to only phone the mobile.  Look think of how much financially better off we could be together and the opportunities we could finance for Emma.
TINA: Yes I agree with that but the marriage is not living up to my expectations
JAY:  I am sorry to hear that you are unhappy about some aspect of our relationship. I wonder what I can do to help you enjoy your time with me better ? Do you mean that you feel like separating but you won't because you are committed to making it a success, you are determined to being loving and caring ?
TINA : Well I just feel so disappointed and frustrated with some aspects of our relationship, like how little we have to say to each other and you don't seem to enjoy my company, you seem tense around me. You don't share your thoughts. You seem closed off from me.
JAY : I'm sorry about that. It is partly because I am worried that you will separate. I wish that you could say some things to reassure me that you will not separate.
TINA : Look although I do a lot of criticizing and complaining and I do have a tendency to use very severe language I want you to know that I will not separate or divorce because I am dedicated to
finding a way though this. We are in a dip just now but we must look to the future and hope for better
times ahead when we can laugh and enjoy each others company instead of feeling uptight at each other.
JAY: Do you think that I have been worrying too much then ?
TINA: Yes.
JAY: Well will you cancel your threat to separate
TINA: I think I just did. Look everyone gets upset sometimes and says things they didn't really mean, things exaggerated & cruel. Don't focus on water under the bridge - look to the future.
JAY: Yes please stick with this marriage, don't give up, I hope you won't, please don't. Maybe there are troubles today but tomorrow will be wonderful if we work at it and make it wonderful.

___________________________________________________________________

SO FURIOUS AT YOU, MAY BURY
DRIVING EACH OTHER UP THE WALL IN THE CAR

TAKE 1
TINA: **&%%&&££^%*£"!£%^*((&^*)*)) ( and other malicious curses )
JAY: What am I supposed to say to that ( thinks; I just want to get out this car right now and walk about, I don't want to be with her but it is a cold winters day and I'm tired from work. Just clench your teeth and bare it )
[ Icy silence descends on the car ]

-----------------------------

TAKE 2
TINA: **&%%&&££^%*£"!£%^*((&^*)*)) ( and other malicious curses )
JAY: I don't know how to reply to that. I am sorry you feel that way. I am really disappointed and shocked that you are so angry despite that I have agreed to move to the city, I hoped you would be grateful and loving toward me.  I can understand that my decisions & foot dragging might make you furious if you do not agree with them. Look, tell me your plan. Maybe I can change some of my plans. Let's try to take an optimistic view of the future, things will be better between us once we have moved into our new house. We will get it looking lovely and then you will be happy. Will I get a contented, grateful wife once that happens ? Even if we don't feel like spending much time in each others company lets agree to stay together even if just on business terms for our combined financial benefit. It could be ruinous to separate.
TINA: Yes it could be ruinous to separate and I have no plans to do so, it is just that I am so frustrated with how poor our conversations are.

____________________________________________________________________

WHERE COULD THE ANSWER BE
FINANCIAL ANALYST
TAKE 1
JAY: I'm really worried that Tina will separate, she said she was mm from separation
ANALYST: This is a tricky situation. If you separate you will  have a lot more costs, two houses and two of everything else plus you will have to pay child maintenance. You should try to keep the marriage going, but speak to your dad about it.
JAY: I doubt he will be much help

------------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: I'm really worried that Tina will separate, she said she was mm from separation
ANALYST: This is a tricky situation. If you separate you will  have a lot more costs, two houses and two of everything else plus you will have to pay child maintenance. You should try to keep the marriage going, but speak to your dad about it.
JAY: I doubt he will be much help.
ANALYST: Are you sure you aren't imagining things are worse than they really are. Maybe she was just trying to get leverage to get you to agree to move to the city. Maybe you should ask her for reassurance. Just say that you are worried and ask her if she would like to make a long term commitment to maintaining the marriage.
JAY: Oh that is so obvious. I haven't been able to see the wood for the trees

____________________________________________________________________

WRITE TO  THE FERRYMAN FOR AN ANSWER

TAKE 1
JAY: I thought this marriage would be easy. Tina could have let my mum look after Emma while Tina went off to work for a change of scene, something else to focus on
HUGH: Marriage is often not straightforward
JAY:  [ other pleasantry and evasions ]

----------------------------------

TAKE 2
HUGH: You seem torn about something
JAY: I am extremely worried about what whether Tina is going to separate or not. I am trying to 2nd guess what she will do. If she is going to separate in the next year or two then maybe I should separate now while I have liquid assets to pay for it
HUGH: What makes you think that she might separate ?
JAY: Well she said she was millimeters from separating. She also is demanding that I cut off contact with my family and and sell out from the farm. Sounds to me like she might separate if I don't meet her demand
HUGH: Well have you told her that you fear that and asked her to confirm if that is the case or if you have picked her up wrong ?
JAY: No, but I suppose I should
HUGH: Yes I think so. But anyway look, it is mostly not in your interests to separate, you will lose a wife, a child, a ton of money and be condemned to hard labour making ends meet.
JAY: Tina do you realize how worried I am when I think you might separate.
TINA: I might complain a lot but be assured that I will not separate. I view it as puzzle and challenge to keep it going.

__________________________________________________________________________

 THE CHURCH ROUND THE BEND
TAKE 1
JAY: ( thinks, I wonder if Tina is going to separate. I don't know, I can't decide. Some things make me think yes and some things make me think no. Should I go through with buying the house in the city or not. I don't know )

----------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY:  Tina I am trying to guess whether you are  going to separate. I don't know, I can't decide. Some things you do & say make me think yes and some things make me think no. What have you got to say. Are my fears justified ?
TINA: Why on earth do you think that i am going to separate ?
JAY: You said you were mm from separation
TINA: I only said that while I was feeling livid. I just meant that I wanted you to know that I was very discontent with several of the things about this marriage but I didn't mean to go as far as it coming across like a threat to separate. I'm sorry, I might have realized it would have upset you and I should have told you I disowned those words. Look I might complain a lot but I admire plenty of things about you. I admire that you are so hard working for us, and generous but I think you are making a mistake doing that delivery job, I think that we could get by without you doing it. I have asked you many times but you haven't listened so I have given up asking.

__________________________________________________________________________

TO ASK OR NOT TO ASK
TAKE 1
JAY: ( thinks, I'm in a real spin about what to do, what is the way forward with TINA. Keep going or give up. I can't decide, Maybe I should ask Stephen for his opinion )

----------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: Stephen  I'm in a real spin about what to do, what is the way forward with TINA. Keep going or give up. I can't decide.
STEPHEN: Why would you want to give up ?
JAY: Well I fear that she is going to separate and I don't know how to prevent that happening. I am doing my best, I don't know how to do better. Well I know it would be good to make brilliant conversation but it doesn't seem to happen.
STEPHEN: Well you could tell her your worries and you might be surprised , she might say that your view of her intentions is mistaken. Look I thought you were planning to move to the city. If you bought her a bigger house then I should think she might be really pleased with you, that would be a sign of your commitment to the marriage. Shows that you will do whatever it takes
JAY: Good point
HAVE A HEART: JAY I heard that there was difficulties in your marriage. I think you need to communicate better, tell her you are worried about some of the things she has said, ask if she will retract those statements, if she will cancel, revoke, drop. undo the things she said.
JAY: Good points there.

___________________________________________________________________________

THE LAST STRAW

TAKE 1
TINA: I'm worried about you going bipolar
JAY: Don't worry, I'm ok. [ thinks, I should really get out of this confrontation by going to see my parents or just away somewhere that she can not get on at me ]
TINA: I've made an appointment for you to see the doc
JAY: I'm ok, I haven't done anything.  I don't need to see anyone but if it makes you feel better then ok
(later)
Health center
Doc: What seems to be the trouble
TINA: I worry that JAY is on verge of a bipolar episode
DOC: and what do you think JAY
JAY: I'm ok, look we are about to move house and it is quite stressful but maybe we should talk about that I have been to see my lawyer to see how the land lies about a divorce.
DOC: I'm sorry I don't have time to talk about that, i just squeezed you in at the last moment. However I recommend this book reading list. One of mine is on it and available for purchase at the reception.
Look here is a prescription for sleeping pills and medication incase you need it
(later)
TINA: Take medication to prevent bipolar behaviour
JAY: The doc said it was up to me to decide whether I thought i needed it
TINA: Just take it
JAY: I think i do not need it. Look if you do not back off then that is it, the last straw, this marriage is over
TINA:  [ ever more insistent ]
JAY: You should listen to the Doc, she said it was up to me.
TINA: Please take it for my sake, so I won't worry
JAY: No I won't, now if you will excuse me I'm going to bed, I have work in the morning.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TAKE 2
TINA: I'm worried about you going bipolar
JAY: Don't worry, I'm ok.
TINA: I've made an appointment for you to see doc
JAY: I'm ok, I don't need to see anyone but if it makes you feel better then ok. In any case what makes you think that I am going to act oddly ?
TINA: I noticed at church you were weepy. What is the matter, were you upset about something ?
JAY: I am worried that you are going to separate. I have been trying to estimate whether you will or will not separate. I  think of the things you have done and said to make it look like you will separate - the time at Emma's gym that we didn't speak to each other during the wait, then you said, " That was your last chance and you blew it ", the threat, " I am millimeters from separation ", your demand that I cut off my side of the family and sell out from the business, your demands that I speak sternly to my mother, the times you have spoken such bitter hatred towards them. But on the other hand you have bought me a piano keyboard and replaced the wedding ring that I threw away. I appreciate you buying those things but what I really want is that you end the hateful attitude toward my side of the family.
TINA: Jay I want to cancel those words which have hurt you. Please accept that I do not want to separate. I didn't realize that you were worrying so much about that. You should be more open about your feelings, that is partly what I find so annoying about the way you have behaved. Look we need to focus on the future and choose to imagine  fun filled happy times
JAY: Well another thing i would like to explain is that I think that diagnosis of bipolar is a mistake. Sure I was deluded that day thinking the end of the world was coming and Jesus was returning etc but I think it was because i was in a panic, like extremely worried about stuff I'd read in the Bible. The mental health chap at the hospital came along, he had lots of work to do, he had his check sheet, his task was to tick a box, he asked me if I thought it might have been bipolar and gave a list of symptoms, I had no idea what bipolar was but it mentioned feeling depressed, well I wasn't sure if I fitted those symptoms but I didn't want to discuss the matter and so for an easy life I just signed the dotted line. He was happy just to tick a box and move on to the next person.
What i do know for sure is that I have been worrying about specific things in the Bible and don't know how to get off it & stop worrying about it. I wonder how it is that he didn't ask me what was troubling me ?
I also wonder how it is that if doc had me down as suffering religious preoccupation that she offered if I wanted to see a minister, they would just tell you it was all true. You would imagine that she would have offered an alternative atheist view to defuse. However I suppose even a regular minister might be able to expand the knowledge of history of religion and help people not take it so literally.
TINA: Oh, I see. Well maybe I was working off the hypothesis that you were prone to bipolar episodes and I cherry picked a few events to fit the hypothesis to convince myself that is what about to happen. I've been worrying about that too.
JAY: Look that time 17 years ago when I went into a delusion was also on the same extreme worry about the end times and the return of Jesus. I have doubts about that story whether it is real or just made up.
TINA: No it is real, we must believe it or we will go to hell
JAY: I think a loving god would not let anyone go to a hell.
TINA: You doubt the Bible ?
JAY: I question whether the people who wrote it had any special knowledge or maybe they were just guessing and making stuff up.

_____________________________________________________________________

LAST DAY TO GET HER TO  CHANGE HER MIND
TAKE 1
JAY: I'm home, well that was another long hard day
TINA: HAVE A HEART is here to help us talk things over
JAY: Oh hi, how are you then
HAVE A HEART : Tina tells me you have been acting odd
JAY: Well I have just been out working all day while she is sat around here, is that odd ?
HAVE A HEART: Tina thinks you should take medication
JAY: She just can not leave it out. Look the doc said it was there if I thought I needed it, and i think i don't so lets just leave it at that.
HAVE A HEART: I think you should do it for her
JAY: Oh give it a rest, I am going to bed, I'm exhausted

----------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: I'm home, well that was another long hard day
TINA: HAVE A HEART is here to help us talk things over
JAY: Oh hi, how are you then
HAVE A HEART : Tina tells me you have been to see the lawyer about possibly separating. Would you like to tell me why, what are your thoughts on it.
JAY: Tina has been threatening me with separation and demanding I cut off contact with my family and sell out from the farm, I can't do those things, I am worried that if I don't do those things then she will separate, so I figure that if that is the case then I would be as well to separate now
TINA: Jay you have misread me. You have taken my worst comments too seriously. They were just angry words spoken in haste, everyone makes mistakes when they are angry
JAY: But you didn't cancel them or disown them afterwards, you never said sorry or apologized
TINA: Sometimes sorry is that hardest thing to say.
HAVE A HEART: Jay you have been imagining things are a lot worse than they really are, you have been focussed on the problem. I think you need to try to forget the water under the bridge and try to choose a more positive way, try to focus on the optimistic outcome, see the light at the end of the tunnel, make up a schedule of things you will try to do in the future, your hopes and dreams and encourage each other to fulfill those dreams.

______________________________________________________________________

TINA E.R
TAKE 1
TINA ( on phone to mental health ' specialist ') : He won't take any medication. Should I leave and go to my parents in case he does anything
SPECIALIST : Well only you can judge the situation but if you feel in danger then what harm would it do to spend the night at your parents
TINA: That is it, I'm leaving.

-------------------------------------

TAKE 2
TINA ( on phone to mental health ' specialist ') : He won't take any medication. Should I leave and go to my parents in case he does anything
SPECIALIST : Well only you can judge the situation but has JAY acted aggressively to you in the past ?
TINA: No, he is really passive
SPECIALIST: Well what are you worrying about then ? Maybe you have an exaggerated view of the threat. Calm down, have a cup of tea, relax. See how things go, take it easy. Are you sure you are not misreading the situation ? You say you have a house more planned, maybe he is just worried and upset about the move ?


_____________________________________________________________________
THE DAWN OF THE LONG NIGHT

TAKE 1 [ door bell ]
JAY: Good morning Andy, good morning Dad, how come you are here
ANDY: TINA phoned to say she thought you were having a bipolar episode.
JAY: She is talking nonsense, she has gone away, we won't be seeing her again
ANDY: Have you got work today
JAY: Yes, do you want some porridge for breakfast now that you are hear
ANDY: Yes that would be good

-------------------------------------------------

TAKE 2 [ door bell ]
JAY: Good morning Andy, good morning Dad, how come you are here
ANDY: TINA phoned to say she thought you were having a bipolar episode. She has gone with Emma to stay at her parents.
JAY: She is talking nonsense, she has gone away, we won't be seeing her again
ANDY: JAY, I was at your marriage, you made a commitment to love through all the storms of life, no matter how you feel, good times and bad. I can understand you are pissed off at each other but really it isn't loving to say " Won't be seeing her again " don't you think you should phone to ask how they are, to  apologize for losing your temper at her and say that you want to make up and try to look to a brighter future.
JAY: I want her to show forgiveness toward my side of the family. I demand that she do that before I go through with this house purchase.
ANDY: Although that would be the reasonable thing to do I think that you are demanding it unreasonably. I think you will find that all you can do is gently suggest such behaviour but to demand it as a precondition of continuing a marriage relationship is not a winning strategy
JAY: You make good points, I never thought of that. However I am shocked by how TINA acted. She kept on demanding that I take medication when I think I do not need it. Even when I threatened her that unless she back off that I would separate she just kept on at me all the more fiercely.  I think she has it in for me. She is just trying to put me down.
ANDY: I think you have misread the situation. I think that she panicked when you said you were thinking of separating and that made her all the more determined to get you to take the medication to calm you down.
JAY: Well I think that could be correct.
ANDY: Have you got work today
JAY: Yes I'll be leaving after breakfast, do you want some porridge for breakfast now that you are hear
ANDY: Yes that would be good. Look the way I see it is that you have been under stress with living with her, you are probably worried about what will happen in the future. So I think the way to go would be to tell her that you have been very worried that she would separate, that worry has put yourself under stress which is partly why there has been this stand off, also that you have not been communicating properly with her but instead have been keeping your thoughts all bottled up
JAY: That makes sense.

____________________________________________________________________

THE GRINDSTONE
TAKE 1
JAY: I've split up with Tina
BIG JOHN: Do you want to see a marriage counselor. The work has an associated one ?
JAY: I'm not sure it would do any good.

----------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: I've split up with Tina
BIG JOHN: Do you want to see a marriage counselor. The work has an associated one ?
JAY: I'm not sure it would do any good.
BIG JOHN: Be positive, choose the optimistic view. What harm could it do. It is important to you so I would try every reasonable option. Don't remember the bad time, remember the good times and look to future good times too.
JAY: Yes I should try that


_____________________________________________________________________

THE DEVILS COUNCIL
TAKE 1
JAY: Tommy I don't know what to do. TINA keeps threatening to separate. She is demanding that I cut off contact with my side of the family and sell out from the family business and saying that I am the problem. She wants to move to town so that she never catches sight of my mother.
TOMMY: Well that seems ridiculous to me. I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour from my partner
JAY: Well I must write a letter to my lawyer to notify that I have separated.
TOMMY: What is the big hurry ?
JAY: before this house purchase goes through. I'll drive in and drop it off tonight.

---------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: Tommy I don't know what to do. TINA keeps threatening to separate. She is demanding that I cut off contact with my side of the family and sell out from the family business and saying that I am the problem and is mm from separation.  She wants to move to town so that she never catches sight of my mother.
TOMMY: Well that seems ridiculous to me. I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour from my partner. But look all you need to do is stay calm and stand your ground. You are panicking. You could try telling her that you are worried about her threats and that you are in a panic about it. You could also just say, " I'm sorry you are not happy with how things are and I can see that you think that is going to be a solution to your anxiety but I can not agree to cut off from my side of the family, it isn't reasonable and I need the job with the family business." You could also ask her for a truce, ask her to change the record. change the story she is telling herself about the family, change her interpretation of events. Ask her to hold the opinion that your family are decent folk who have done no significant wrong to her, maybe their biggest flaw was in trying to be too friendly and then complaining when the friendship wasn't returned.  Also you need to keep repeating to her that your family care about her and want to be friends, reassure her that things are ok.
JAY: Well those are good points, why did I not think of that ?

_______________________________________________________________________

CAN'T GET THROUGH TO YOU
TAKE 1
TINA #### on phone #### : You this and that, its all your fault, blame blame accuse.
JAY: Nothing in the world would make me stay with you
TINA: Well we are just going to go away, you can see Emma when she is 18

--------------------------

TAKE 2
TINA #### on phone #### : You this and that, its all your fault, blame blame accuse.
JAY: Nothing in the world would make me stay with you
TINA: Well we are just going to go away, you can see Emma when she is 18
JAY: No, wait. I want to undo and cancel that statement, I just meant I was frustrated with the situation. Of course I want to see you and Emma. Look how are you ? I'm sorry for losing my temper at you. I have been really worried and stressing myself over the idea that you were on the brink of separation.  I want to meet you and talk things over. Lets focus on our future together, think of the fun things we can do. I have decided to give up the delivery job and then I will have more time and we can go holidays and trips and enjoy life more. We have great prospects now. This could be great.  Will you come home ?
TINA : Jay I'm so relieved to hear you say that. I'm sorry that you have been so worried. I should have cancelled the threat of separation.. Look I am in this marriage forever, I want to make it work. Do what you want. If you want to stay in contact with your side of the family, then fine, quite understandable and normal, just don't insist that I do.

__________________________________________________________________________

WATCH WITH MOTHER
TAKE 1
JAY: Tina keeps threatening to separate, I fear she will, i don't know what to do
MUM: You've done well keeping the marriage going this long
JAY: I don't know if I should just separate now while I can afford it

---------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: Tina keeps threatening to separate, I fear she will, i don't know what to do
MUM: What has she said exactly ?
JAY: She says she is millimeters from separation
MUM: Well maybe that was just on an off day. How many times has she said that
JAY: Well at Emma's Gym class she said, " you've had your last chance " and then she said, " I'm millimeters from separation "
MUM: Maybe you should ask her how she feels now, ask her if those things were just said in the heat of the moment or in the depths of depression ?
JAY: Good point
MUM: Also has she said anything positive ? Maybe you are dwelling too much on the negative ? You know what they say. Always look on the bright side of life

________________________________________________________________________
ST STEVEN DOPED WITH HOPE

TAKE 1
JAY: ( on phone ) can i drop by to borrow your photocopier
STEVEN: Sure
JAY: {At Steven's house} I just want to copy these notes about forgiveness from this book to post to Tina to see if it will help her change her mind
STEVEN:  That sounds like a good thing to send. Would you like me to act as a counselor between you, I am a trained negotiator ?
JAY: I don't know

---------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: ( on phone ) can i drop by to borrow your photocopier ?
STEVEN: Sure
JAY: {At Steven's house} I just want to copy these notes about forgiveness from this book to post to Tina to see if it will help her change her mind
STEVEN:  That sounds like a good thing to send. Would you like me to act as a counselor between you, I am a trained negotiator ?
JAY: I don't know, I'm really pessimistic about the chances of her changing her mind
STEVEN: Well you know sometimes you have to reach up and choose the positive vision. Try to have hope, try to see the future optimistically, try to see the light at the end of the tunnel even though there are almost no signs of it. But you know there are always two parties in a dispute, is there anything that you could change about your thinking that would resolve the stand off, what exactly happened during the separation ? Are you putting up any barriers and hurdles ?
JAY: Well I want her to agree to be forgiving towards my side of the family before I will agree to go on with her
STEVEN: Well although I agree with you that it is important to have a forgiving attitude  and I think it would seem a reasonable request that you make that she do that I also think that you are being unreasonable that she do that before you will  go on with her. In marriage you have to go on with each other tolerating each others flaws.
JAY: Good point, I was blind to that idea

________________________________________________________________________

NO BELL
TAKE 1
MR T: What happened between you and Tina ?
JAY: She was demanding that I cut off contact with my side of the family and sell out from the family business and also threatening to separate, she had a lot of complaints
MR T: Why do some women do that ?
JAY: I wish I knew
-----------------------------------

TAKE 2
MR T: What happened between you and Tina ?
JAY: She was demanding that I cut off contact with my side of the family and sell out from the family business and also threatening to separate, she had a lot of complaints
MR T: Did you try to negotiate by saying to her something like, " What would happen if I can't agree to meet your demands ? " or you could say, " I want to please you and help you to be happy but I am sorry I can not do that "
JAY: I never thought to do that
MR T: Well you should try. Has she said anything positive to you ? Maybe you are just focusing on the negative comments, maybe you are forgetting the reassuring, positive things she has said to you ?
JAY: Well one time I said, " I was a fool to think that I could make you happy " and she replied, " But I am happy "
MR T: Well there you go then, maybe you are worrying about nothing, or are you not happy with her ?
JAY: I am not happy with the war, or her threats and demands. It is all very well for her to say she is happy but she has not cancelled those demands and threats.
MR T: Maybe she has forgotten she even made them or maybe her comments seem perfectly reasonable to her. I would say if possible you shouldn't focus too much on things she said in moments of anger, we all curse when we are angry. Just look to the future and the fun things you go do together, hope that the situation will improve. There are no guarantees in life. All ways look on the bright side of life.
JAY: That sounds like good advice

____________________________________________________________________

MAGREGOR'S GARDEN
TAKE1
PETER: Jay, get back together. I've been happily married for 20 years but 40 in total. You just have to enjoy the good moments and overlook the troubles
JAY: Hmmm, I don't know

--------------------------------------
TAKE 2
PETER: Jay, get back together. I've been happily married for 20 years but 40 in total. You just have to enjoy the good moments and overlook the troubles
JAY: Hmmm, I don't know
PETER: What exactly is the sticking point
JAY: I'm afraid that the longer I let this marriage go on the more I'll have to pay out and then I won't be able to pay the amount. If I split now I probably could afford it.
PETER: Jay I hope money isn't the main factor because you shouldn't let it be, always put family first
JAY: But I am doing my best for the marriage and she is still saying I am the problem and threatening to separate and making these unreasonable demands that I cut off contact with my side of the family. She doesn't seem  to think about the fact that I work with them, she just says, oh retrain at something else. She has an overwhelming grudge against them, I don't know where it will end, I don't trust her
PETER: Well you have quite a catalogue of worries there. Look you just need to tell her how worried you are about the demands and threats and that you would like to make her happy but you are sorry you don't think you can meet those demands, could she lower the bar please. Also ask her to change the record about your parents by agreeing that they are ok folk no better or worse than she or her parents and ask her to reassure you that she will try to show them respect where possible and not keep a record of wrongs. However you also need to not be too focussed on past events but hope in a brighter future.
Think of all the fun trips and activities you could do together

________________________________________________________________________

TOAD IN THE HOLE
TAKE 1
JAY: I just needed a holiday from her, like for the rest of my life
RAF: Haa haa

-------------------------------

JAY: I just needed a holiday from her
RAF: Well maybe you should tell her that. Maybe all along the problem is that you have closed off your responses from her. You should have told her you were worried about some of the things that she said. You could have asked for reassurance that she didn't mean it as bad as it sounded, or you could just tell yourself that she was exaggerating and hope that one day she would come to see that. If you try to take her on more trips and get her out and about more then maybe she will focus on more positive things and forget about that old bone.

________________________________________________________________________

TAMOSHANTER
TAKE 1
TAM: I never saw my children for years after I separated. But they came back to me and now we see each other often. I take them to play golf and stuff. I remember that day I broke up with my first partner. I went to see her but she wouldn't let me see the children so I just walked away and thought, oh well I'll just start another family then.
JAY: I don't know what to do. I'm stuck
TAM: If you split up and don't see your kids it will get worse as the years go by.

------------------------------------
TAKE 2
TAM: I never saw my children for years after I separated. But they came back to me and now we see each other often. I take them to play golf and stuff. I remember that day I broke up with my first partner. I went to see her but she wouldn't let me see the children so I just walked away and thought, oh well I'll just start another family then.
JAY: I don't know what to do. I'm stuck
TAM: If you split up and don't see your kids it will get worse as the years go by.
JAY: I don't know what to do, I'm totally seized
TAM: See a counselor to talk it over, read as many books on marriage guidance as possible, and pronto, or look at Youtube for some helpful advice. But why not just ask her if she would like to go to the cinema with you ? Don't focus on the war, focus on a happy future. Don't be lost in a dark forest of worries.

________________________________________________________________________
ROAD RUNNER
TAKE 1
JAY: I don't know which was the bigger mistake, getting married or getting divorced
STUART: I'm sorry that i can't help you. Look I've got to get on with my work. I don't have time for this.

---------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: I don't know which was the bigger mistake, getting married or getting divorced
STUART: Maybe if there was still a chance of things improving then you should have given the balance of the doubt to  keeping your marriage going? I don't know what is your sticking point but for most matters keep asking counselors, professionals, reading books, watching Youtube videos. Scope for ideas before assessing whether they are winners or not. That's all I can say, I'm busy
JAY: Good idea, thanks

________________________________________________________________________

COMPOSURE
TAKE 1
JIM: Is there any way back ?
JAY: I don't know I'm stuck

-----------------------------

TAKE 2
JIM: Is there any way back ?
JAY: I don't know, I'm stuck. I just don't know what to do. I try to think of the reasons to think that she would not separate but I fear there are more reasons to think she would separate.
JIM: But I thought you already have separated ?
JAY: Yes but if I made an effort to get back together would she just be bidding her time until it was more in her favour to separate ? I don't know if she would trust me again now that it is out the bag that I have such deep misgivings about our relationship
JIM : You have a fairly negative view of her view of you. Don't you think that she would enjoy your company enough to choose to be with you ?
JAY: I don't know, she seems to be always complaining.
JIM: Maybe you should ask her
JAY: Like what ?
JIM: Well ask her if she values you company, if she sees her long term future with you, if she thinks it would be better with someone else or maybe she could end up worse off with someone else ? But you could try to paint a rosy picture of how her life could be with you, all the trips and fun things you would take her to, the good things that lie ahead - and that you will probably be much worse off if you divorce.
JAY: I  suppose that would be the obvious thing to do.
________________________________________________________________________

THE KING WAS IN HIS COUNTING HOUSE, COUNTING OUT HIS MONEY
TAKE 1
JAY: I've split up from TINA
MR A: Oh I am sorry to hear that. If there is anything I can do to help
JAY: I'm not sure what to do. I'm stuck.

------------------------------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: I've split up from TINA
MR A: Oh I am sorry to hear that. If there is anything I can do to help. You don't need to tell me but what was the sticking point ? Would a counselor help ?
JAY: I'm worried that she is going to separate. I fear that once I buy that house in the city and put all my money into it that she will just turn round and slam the door on me. That would be the worst outcome of all. She is so uptight and hateful toward my side of the family that I just don't know what she might do. I don't trust her.
MR A: Well that does sound worrying but sometimes we can be tricked by our worst imaginings , our worst fears may not turn out to be real after all. Have you told Tina that you are panicking about that ?
JAY: No because I worry about how she will react if she think I have doubts about the marriage
MR A: You might find that she tells you you have been worrying too much and that she just made her threats in the heat of the moment but didn't really mean it that way.

_______________________________________________________________________

ROAD TO RUIN
TAKE 1
DAD : Tittle tattle

----------------------------

TAKE 2
DAD: Are you sure that separating isn't a huge mistake ? I know you could write a list of Tina's faults but what about your own faults. It is maybe hypocritical to separate. Why not just forget the past and hope that the future will be better ?
JAY: Good points there but I am afraid she is just going to separate
DAD: Well maybe you should tell her you are worried she will separate and ask whether she is still feeling like she is close to separation ? Also you could try to reassure her that you want her & love her and value her company and are dedicated to making her happy and request that she return the same effort. Maybe you can create loving habits of the way you schedule your life, the fun outings you plan
JAY : Good points
DAD: I mean, if you have said anything nasty or hurtful you could start by apologizing and saying that you just felt angry and upset and those things you said were very exaggerated and you want to undo them. Tell her you want her back.
JAY : Good points. 
________________________________________________________________________

VULTURES BY THE WATERING HOLE
TAKE 1
LION: Why do you want to divorce ?
JAY: She is unreasonable;  demanding that I cut off contact with my side of the family and sell out from the family business and preventing me from taking Emma to see my parents.  I think she is just going to separate anyway.
JAY: How much will a divorce cost me
LION: Over £30,000
JAY: It will be worth it, I've got to get away from her
LION: I take it you will be pursuing contact with Emma
JAY: Tina is very possessive, that is what started this all off really, I think she might totally block me seeing Emma. She had that attitude to my side of the family, she wouldn't even let letters from them into the house. She views outsiders as the black enemy
LION: But you do want to see Emma don't you
JAY: Yes but I just don't think it will work, what if she refuses to pay any attention to a contact order ?
LION: Well that is a risk but surely it is worth a £ 5000 shot
JAY: Well that is a lot of money to blow up.  I suppose I will see very soon if it looks like going anywhere. Sometimes I think of driving round to see TINA to ask if I can see Emma but I'm not sure if they are at TINA's mothers or aunts
LION: Well don't just turn up there, they might falsely accuse you and call the police.


-------------------------------------------------------

TAKE 2
LION: Why do you want to divorce ?
JAY: Well I don't want to divorce, I don't really want to separate. I want to find an answer but I can't think of one. I would prefer to find a way of keeping the marriage going. She is being unreasonable;  demanding that I cut off contact with my side of the family and sell out from the family business and preventing me from taking Emma to see my parents.  I think if she is just going to separate anyway I would be better to separate now while I can come out of it solvent.
LION: Well it does seem quite unreasonable that she demands you cut off contact with your family specially since it is a family business but look maybe these demands and threats could be negotiated. Maybe you have misread the situation ?
JAY: I'm not sure
LION: I think that you should try. Would you like me to put it to her that you would cancel the separation if she would drop the demands that you cut off from your side of the family, drop the demand that you sell out from the farm, drop the threat to separate and quit painting you and your family black ?
JAY: That sounds like a good idea, why didn't I think of that, I seem prone to taking a very pessimistic view.
LION ( picks up the phone )  Hello TINA, I have JAY with me he says he would cancel the separation if you would drop the demands that you cut off from your side of the family, drop the demand that you sell out from the family business, drop the threat to separate and quit painting you and your family black ? In other words call a truce and commit to building a happy future. How about it
TINA: Yes I would like that. I don't know why I couldn't see the answer myself. There has been a great misunderstanding, can I speak to JAY ?
JAY: Tina I'm sorry for the grief I have put you through but then are you sorry for the grief you caused me ? I should have told you that i was extremely worried about the demands and threats you were making and that I just wanted you to reassure me that you didn't stand by those remarks and that they were just the sort of over the top exaggerations & generalizations that people typically make when really angry
TINA: Yes Jay, that is the case. Look I want to bury the hatchet and focus on building a wonderful future together.
JAY: Yes I also would like to make a fantasy future together. Think of the trips we will be able to afford, the sports we can do, the fabulous life we could make together, the interesting books we can read. It could be great.
TINA: I am so relieved that you have changed your mind
JAY: Well I am glad that the miscommunication has been broken

_____________________________________________________________________
TOO FAR FOR RECONSILLYATION ?
TAKE 1
JAY: Can I speak to Emma ?
Hazel: She doesn't want to speak to you
JAY: I don't believe it. Can I speak to TINA then?
HAZEL:  She doesn't want to speak to you, you've chosen the legal route so you'll just have to stick with it
----------------------------
TAKE 2
JAY: Can I speak to Emma ?
HAZEL: Well if you want to speak to Emma maybe you should retract your separation letter. I think you have made a mistake filing that letter. You are going to throw away the fantastic opportunity the property sale has given you, you will lose a wife, lose contact with your daughter, condemn yourself to hard labour
JAY: Well I wanted TINA to agree to forgive, let by gones be by gones, to agree to a truce, to agree that my family are ok and in any case love does not keep a record of wrongs.
HAZEL: JAY maybe you need to practice what you preach. Stop focusing on things that happened months & years ago and live in the present. Look to the future, imagine a positive outcome. At the moment you are holding a record of wrongs against her, no ?
JAY:  Well you have made good points. OK I will withdraw the separation. Can I come up and speak to TINA and Emma about it all, make my apologies and see if we can get out of this rut ?
HAZEL: Well that sounds sensible. I am glad to hear that you are coming round to thinking properly about this. I think all these issues can be negotiated. I think you both need to agree to put the past behind you, to reassure each other that you are in it for the long term, for Emma's sake and your own. To try to look to the future.
___________________________________________________________________________

TAKE 1
HUGH: JAY will you call off the divorce
JAY: TINA needs to forgive, she is OTT
HUGH: Well then Emma doesn't want to know you

------------------------------------------

TAKE 2
HUGH: Jay come up to visit and see Emma & lets talk over this letter of separation that you got the lawyer to send. You know I think you have jumped the gun and jumped a few teeth on the gearwheel.
JAY: Yes I'd like to do that
HUGH: What is your sticking point ?
JAY: I don't trust Tina, I fear that she will separate, as soon as I have committed most of my money to the house and then I'll turn up to find that I am locked out
HUGH: Jay I think you are being very pessimistic and worrying too much. Your imagination has raced down to the worst case scenario, that is called catastrophism.  If you pour in a tonne of money to do up that house then I should think that TINA will adore you for that.
JAY: I want Tina to agree to a truce, to drop the war & hatred against my family, to agree that they are ok; mixed like any other people. I wish that she would give me some reassurance that she will not separate and that the future will be brighter. I want her to drop her demands that I cut off contact with my family.
HUGH: Well just tell her that, ask her if your fears are based on reality, ask her for that reassurance. Also remember that many times her bark will be worse than her bite.  She has used OTT language for years but it hasn't led to separation or physical violence so maybe you should twig that it is just her way of letting off steam ?

__________________________________________________________________

BREAKERS YARD
TAKE 1
HYENA: JAY's lawyer says he is divorcing you for unreasonable behaviour
TINA: What a cheek. Who does he think he is ? He hasn't exactly been the most entertaining conversationalist. He keeps his thoughts secret, drives me mad.

-------------------------------

TAKE 2
HYENA: JAY's lawyer says he is divorcing you for unreasonable behaviour
TINA: How exactly have I been unreasonable
HYENA: I'll phone to ask
######
HYENA to LION: In what way exactly has TINA behaved unreasonably to JAY
LION: He said that he thought it was unreasonable that she was demanding that he cut off contact from his side of the family and sell out from the farm.
######
HYENA to LION: He said that he thought it was unreasonable that you were demanding that he cut off contact from his side of the family and sell out from the farm.
TINA: I asked him to do that. I wanted him to do that but if it is going to break the marriage then I withdraw the demand. And anyway if it is a case of unreasonable I think he did not give reasonable warning about his intention to separate.. He should have complained more and given me a chance to respond and rethink my position.
HYENA: Well do you want me to write back and say that
TINA: Yes
__________________________________________________________________

INNER CELL
TAKE 1
JAY: Thinks (  Have I made a mistake separating ? Why won't she just say that she drops her demands and threats ? Why won't she say that she is sorry for the hostile attitude to my parents ? What if I tried to get back with her, would she ever trust me now that she knows how unhappy I have been. If we get back together will she just bide her time until it suits her to divorce. Would she always be demanding that I cut off contact with my side of the family, would she always be working towards getting me to sell out from the farm. Does she have it in for me ? )

----------------------------------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY sends text message to Tina: I'm caught in a web of worries, I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I should cancel the separation and ask to get back together.
TINA: What about your words, " Nothing in the world would make me stay with you ?"
JAY: Oh sorry about that. I just said that in the heat of the moment, I exaggerated. I meant that I was so frustrated with the situation, I couldn't see the way to fix our relationship. It seemed that nothing I said would change your behaviour
TINA: Maybe you should practice what you preach; forgive and forget. Don't dwell on what has happened yesterday. Choose to hope that I can be happy with you, choose to love, choose to take a positive view.
JAY: Well maybe we should meet to talk about it
TINA: Yes I would like to talk with you and sort things out. Maybe we have misread each other. Look we have both been focussed on the war. We must focus on all the wonderful fun things that we can do with this money and the future we can build for Emma. We could have such good times together. Please do not blow it all on divorce lawyers.
JAY: Well are you committed to the long term ? How do you see the future in a decades time ?
TINA: If you will just cancel the separation then we can rebuild the trust. I want to make this marriage a success. I want to find the way to happiness. I  do not demand or ask that you cut off contact with your family. I will try to be more friendly toward them.
JAY: Sounds good. Maybe we could go on a holiday to Tenerife and go yachting and windsurfing ?
TINA: Yes that sounds like fun

________________________________________________________________________

HERE COMES THE SUN OR NOT ?

TAKE 1
JAY: ( Thinks, this is a nightmare. I have lost contact with my daughter and lost a load of money and condemned myself to work at the delivery job where as if we had kept the marriage going I might have kept contact with my daughter, be a lot richer and have maybe afforded to give up deliver job, at least for a while. I am not sure if I maybe misread Tina too. What if she had never separated ? What if she had taken a more positive attitude after moving to  the city. ? I think I when I threatened that unless she back off from insisting I take that medicine that I would separate, it just made her panic and be more insistent. What a nightmare. I may have misread the whole situation. Maybe I should just have told myself that everyone says overly severe things when they get angry. I should have been more tolerant of Tina, remembering that I have done the same sort of things myself. Especially in during the breaking up. I think I ended up doing the very things I was criticizing about her behaviour. I was blaming her but I also set a high hurdle to climb. I was asking her to forgive but she was stuck with that idea, there was no point insisting that she do something that she couldn't manage. Maybe when she was a child her dad insisted she say sorry for something that was not her fault and she developed a refusal to it. I should have let nothing trip up the marriage. How could I have not reached out and chosen to go the other  way, in so many ways, most ways it would have been better, financially better. And yet there is a part of me that is glad I don't have to face the fight with Tina each day )

TAKE 2
JAY on phone to Tina : Tina, I'm sorry I got the lawyer to send that letter of separation. I realize it must have been very upsetting and worrying for you. I panicked. I think i misread you. I thought you had it in for me. I  want to take the letter  back and try to rebuild trust somehow. Think of the opportunities that this money gives us, think of the fun we could have, let's not blow it on lawyers & divorce
TINA: Jay, I am so glad to hear you say that. Don't worry about it. I realize you were under strain. I was making difficult demands of you, you were worrying about a lot of things, we all make mistakes. Look we need to learn from this. We need to learn to communicate better by sharing our hopes and worries that we might reassure one another.
JAY: Oh I never expected you to respond like that.

____________________________________________________________________

VIEW FROM THE TREETOPS
TAKE 1
JAY: I panicked
MR WISE: You've been under stress. Why not go to that church Tina and Emma have been going to and maybe something good will come of it , maybe the elders will sort things out ?
JAY: I'm afraid it will chase them away from the church it I turn up, I'm afraid there could be an embarrassing scene, in any case I don't know what I would say
MR WISE: You need to stop taking such a pessimistic view

------------------------------

TAKE 2
JAY: I panicked
MR WISE: You've been under stress. Why not go to that church Tina and Emma have been going to and say to Tina, " I have been under stress, I panicked. I want this marriage to last, I will call off the separation if you give me reassurances that you will not separate if I get back together with you "
JAY: That sounds like a sensible idea but I am not sure, i'm worried about the future
MR WISE: You need to focus on the optimistic view, hope for a positive outcome. Look I could phone up Tina if you like.
JAY: Ok
MR WISE##on phone ### Hi Tina, its Mr Wise here. I have just been talking to JAY. He says that he panicked , he made a mistake separating, he would like the marriage to continue, he is worried about the future, would you agree to get back together and that if you did so then you would make a long term commitment to staying together ? Would you also agree to drop the demand that he cut off contact with his family and sell out from the  farm

____________________________________________________________________

BELATED CORRESPONDENCE

TAKE 2
JAY: Dear Tina, I should have stayed focussed on the future and chosen to think the positive, optimistic view. I should have focussed on the happy future we could have had with the money from property sales. I should have thought, " Great, now I can afford to give up delivery job and have time and energy to take you trips, cinema, theatre, foreign holidays, sports etc " I should have given the extra delivery job years before the separation, it probably played a part. However maybe the bigger part was that I didn't share my thoughts with you in the way I should, but I should also have just chosen a positive attitude.
   We misread each other, we didn't understand each other, we let our demands get in the way.
When we split then if you had known my thoughts you could have said, " Jay you have panicked and separated out of worry that I would separate, you were trying to second guess me but you misjudged me. You were afraid of putting so much money into the house in the city only to find yourself locked out but that was the worst case scenario and wouldn't have happened. I know I said I was only millimeters from separation but that was only how I felt on that one day but actually I have no intention to separate, it would be a waste of opportunity and money, besides I find your company ok "

I might have looked to you that I was determined and unchangeable in my decision to divorce but that was not the case. I really meant that I wanted the marriage to keep going but only if you would drop your demands that I cut contact with my side of the family and drop your threat to separate. However I can see how I went about that was never going to work and was quite daft. I suppose there are no cast iron guarantees in marriage and I just needed to hope for the best & keep going.

I was wanting you to agree to my list of demands, then I would cancel the separation and when you didn't I blamed you. I thought how could you split the marriage up over such small matters, and yet I find on reflection that it was as much me who split the marriage by digging in my heels and demanding that you jump hurdles. I really was just looking for reassurance but I could have spoken reassurance to myself, " she will cheer up after we move, I must give it another chance, at least one more year, try everything, focus on the positive "

When I went to the lawyer it should have been to ask for help. I should have said, " I am at my wits end, I don't know what to do, I am in a panic with fear that Tina will separate, what will happen if i put so much money into that city house and then she separates, lives in the house and leaves me humiliated "
Then the lawyer might have said, " You need to tell her you are worried and ask for reassurance that she will not do that, you might be surprised, you might find that you have misread her "
But I might have asked, " What if she is just giving false reassurances ". I will have exposed my position and then what. But the lawyer might have said, " You have a low opinion of her love for you "

It was a pity I focussed on a pessimistic view, I should have tried to live by " Love does not keep a record of wrongs " I can see that many of my decisions were dim. I should have read more marriage counselling books and watched Youtube counselling videos.
   My fears and worries drove me onto the rocks
  We should have reminded each other to look on the bright side of life
Each time a recurrent conflict situation came up I could have said. " Lets not dwell on that but rather think of our next holiday or our last one "
   Also I should not have read so much into angry comments . Everyone gets angry sometimes and makes over the top, exaggerated, generalized, inaccurate comments.

----------------------------------------------------------

STAY IN TOUCH

TAKE 2
TINA on phone to ANDY : What are Jay's reasons for separating ?
ANDY : He was worried you were going to separate at any moment, he thought if it was just going to happen anyway that he should cut and run
TINA : Oh I didn't realize how worried he was, well he misread the situation. I never would have separated, I was just making threats to try to get him to do what I wanted. I should have said sorry and said that I regretted making those remarks and wanted to cancel & undo them. If James would cancel the separation letter then we could keep going together and I promise that I would never separate but fulfill my marriage promises & try to behave in a civil manner to his side of the family
ANDY : That sounds like a good idea, do you want me to speak to him for you and tell him what you have told me ?
TINA : Yes that would help if you would.

------------------------------------------------

TAKE 2

TINA on phone to  :  Look what has Jay been saying to you, what are his reasons for getting the lawyer to write that separation letter ?
MUM : Jay was afraid that you were about to separate anyway. He feared that he was going to put all his money into  that house in the city and then find that a month or two after that that you had locked him out, he didn't trust you. You need to revoke some of the threats and demands that you have made to him. You need to reassure him that he can trust you.
TINA : Oh, I didn't realize, sometimes things don't seem so bad when you say them yourself.

------------------------------------------------------

TAKE 1

TINA to parents and friends : Jay has had a personality change, he has gone mad, it is because he won't take the medication
"FRIENDS" : Oh poor you, I expect there is nothing that can be done then, now one could expect you to put up with that, move on and find someone better.

TAKE 2

TINA to parents and friends : Jay got angry at me for telling him to take medication, he threatened that if I didn't back down then that would be the marriage over
FRIENDS : Well why didn't you just back down, why did you not just say, " Well we both heard what the doctor said, if you don't feel the need to take it then it is up to you to look after your own life. I certainly don't want you to separate over this. Look I realize that sometimes in the past I have been too aggressive about things, I want to try to be more calm and laid back about life, please help me, please just tell me to back off or change the subject when you are getting irritated by what I am saying "

----------------------------------------------------------------------

TAKE 1

JAY : Andy what is your reasoning for thinking that my decision to separate is a sensible one
ANDY : Well I worry that if you stayed with her that you might get so annoyed that you would lash out and hit her and then get done for domestic abuse or either she or you might commit suicide or it might upset Laura to be in an stressful environment
JAY : Well I realize that those sorts of thing do happen in the world but I think we were not as close as that. My thinking was that it might help TINA to calm down if she wasn't with me and that might be a better atmosphere for Laura. Also if TINA is just going to separate in the next few months then I might as well just separate now. My biggest emotion is worry about what she will do since she has been threatening to separate.
ANDY : What sorts of things has she been saying
JAY: That she is millimeters from separating
ANDY: Have you explained your worries to her, maybe she doesn't realize how worried you are about the things she has been saying ?
JAY : That is a good idea, I must try to do that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

TAKE 1

JAY : Have I made a mistake separating ? Am I too focused on the negative events. Maybe if I tried to focus on only the positive things she did & said. That would be good, but I just can't help thinking of the negative things.

TAKE 2

JAY on phone to TINA : Look don't think that I am absolute about my decision. I keep wondering if I have made a mistake, I am undecided, I would really like you to turn over a new leaf, bury the hatchet and we will keep going with the marriage.
TINA : Oh, so you didn't mean those nasty things you said about me
JAY : No, I'm sorry about those, that was just the heat of the moment. I want you back for good. I just hope that you will be diplomatic, civil and respectful to my parents.